lasafara: (Default)
Next chapter!
lasafara: (Default)
Next chapter! Feel free to keep commenting on the previous ones.
lasafara: (Default)
Putting the new chapter up! Feel free to continue any discussions on the previous post, though!
lasafara: (Cute boy is cute)
I'd forgotten I had this account! I haven't touched it in ages. Anyway, here's the post for 1 Samuel 16!
lasafara: (Default)
I hate hate hate the phrase “Lose weight until you feel better/good” and all off-shoots with that same basic idea. It's subjective, and it's a polite-company phrase generally used by strangers in order to have something to say when a person reveals that they are losing weight. It's vague, and often unwanted, unneeded, unnecessary advice coming from a person who hasn't bothered to ask why you're losing weight or what your goals are, and doesn't give enough of a damn to do so. But, in bullet points, here is why I dislike it.


  1. It's making an assumption.
    By saying “Lose weight until you feel better/good”, you are making the assumption that you know why the person is losing weight. Did you ask? Do you even care? There are actually many reasons to lose weight! Even more amazing, not all of them have anything to do with immediate benefits! For example, I do not notice any particular difference between my energy levels now and when I was in high school and 50 pounds lighter. If anything, I have more stamina now because I'm around more tall people who won't slow down and I have made concerted efforts over the years to exercise. I exercise more now than I did when I was thinner. At my own pace in comfortable shoes, a forty-five minute walk is fine. I spend all day on my feet with clients. I can lift a 6-foot man out of his chair, or roll a heavy-set woman over in bed when she's decided to be dead weight. I am flexible enough to bridge my back, or touch my nose to my toes. To follow this advice, I wouldn't be losing weight at all.
    It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with self-esteem, either. Yes, there is the possibility that my self-esteem will go up as my weight goes down. But hilariously, if you ask me what my mental picture of myself is, I would draw you a picture of someone much much lighter. It's not that I'm unaware that I'm a big girl. It's that by and large, my weight is one of the few things in life I don't worry as much about (note: “as much”. Which is not to say I don't worry, but that in the list of things that affect my self-esteem, it's not very high). I watched my mother struggle desperately with her weight for years, and decided when I was a kid that I wasn't going to make myself miserable like that. Also, it's important to realize that losing this weight is not going to magically erase 26 years of living with my parents. It's not going to change years of not being good enough, or pretty enough, years of being told that my hips are too big, my hair is too plain, my boobs are too small, I'm too old to be loved, too weird to be liked, or too much of a hassle to be around. I do not want to get to the end of this and go “MAN WHY DON'T I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF NOW?” because it's just not going to happen. I hold no illusions that this will magically fix my self-esteem or make me more confidant.
    I am not actually losing weight for any immediate benefits. What I am actually losing weight for is my future. As I've told other people, my family history implies that I will live well into my nineties. Even if I don't, I want my eighties and seventies to be good years too. I work with the elderly; is it any wonder that I've noticed a correlation between people who maintain a lower weight/stronger muscles and people who remain mobile and active longer? I'm at a point in my life where losing weight is easier now than it will be later in life, and I want to take advantage of it. Also, I've found an inexpensive device that lets me exercise while I sit on my ass in front of the TV. Which means I don't have to give up any of my TV/videogame/after-work relaxing/internet time. So it was also a bit of a whim. But truthfully, honestly, when I started on this, I went in with the attitude that the primary benefit that I am looking for is future health, not current stamina or self-esteem.
    Saying to me “Lose until you feel good” tells me that you don't know me, you don't know why I'm losing weight, and you're not going to bother asking me to find out because it's simply easier to continue with your blind assumptions. It annoys me with perfect strangers, and I expect more from my friends.

     2. It's vague.

    “Lose until you feel good/better” implies that there will come a time when you have a sudden epiphany. HUZZAH, I AM THE PERFECT WEIGHT. And you know what, I'm happy for those of you for which that works. But I don't really see a difference in my activity levels now versus when I was younger and thinner. I don't feel slower, or bloated, or sluggish. For those of you who know me in real life, I'm still just as likely to squeal like a small child and jump up and down and run around in circles because I'm too excited to sit down. I haven't gained any weight since I went to NYC, for example, and I was running all over that city OMG THE TRAINS. I haven't gained any weight since I went to Seattle, and I walked all over the place there. So for those of you who notice when you gain 10 pounds, good for you. Unfortunately, I'm still at approximately the same energy levels I was when I was in high school and college, except that I'm no longer consuming gallons of caffeine and thus I'm actually sleeping most nights. If losing weight gives me the energy I had when I was consuming gallons of caffeine, I must say that I'd prefer to stop right now.
    It may seem completely foreign to you, but I'm not actually aware of a difference in my weight now between my weight when I was thinner. Which means that this kind of vague wishy-washy advice that seems so straightforward to some people only tells me that there's no way to know when I should stop. If I don't notice a difference between now and when I was thin, how am I going to know when ten more pounds is too much? If I get down to 130, how will I know that 120 won't make me feel better? And if 120 makes me feel better, 110 should make me feel great, right? How am I supposed to know when is the right time to stop? I'm an incredibly obsessive person, having to have all of whatever it is I'm collecting, be the best at whatever it is I'm doing, getting to my goals and my endgame no matter what, even if it makes me the most miserable person ever. This is how I managed to graduate college. Because I was too stubborn to drop out even though by the end of my tenure there I hated the professors, I hated the degree, I hated where I was, what I was doing, had lost all my friends to transfers, and was getting intentionally screwed over by my advisor for her petty revenge. I don't see what, in that vague statement, is solid enough to prevent me from going overboard and developing an eating disorder.
    I dislike vague. I'm not good with vague. I like set goals and distinct boundaries for success. I want and need to have a point where I say, “Okay, I've reached my goal. I'm done.” In case anyone cares, the goal number I picked is based on my memories of how much I weighed in high school, how much I needed to lose then, accounting for my body frame, and what I think is a realistic number for me to be at. While I am being rather obsessive about BMI charts and website numbers and so forth, I did not use them to formulate my final goal because I know they are all bullshit. I simply need something to obsess over to occupy my mind so that I'm not having fits and refusing to eat.

     3. It's a polite-company response that is assumed to be a universal truth, despite the fact that no one goal can work for every person out there.


    Honestly, I'm very glad for other people for whom a simple, “Wow, I feel great at 104.5 pounds, I think I'll stay right here,” works. But I think it's presumptuous and arrogant to believe that this thing that works great for you is going to work for everyone if you just tell them it will. But you know what? I feel great at 212. I've found clothing that fits and flatters, and I feel sexier, prettier, and healthier now than I ever did when I was thinner. In fact, since I've gotten up to 212, I haven't had a single hip spasm. My leg has never once given out on me and left me sprawled on the floor unable to bear weight. I used to have them regularly.
    However, I don't think 212 is healthy for my future. And that is why I'm losing weight.




    So the next time I'm annoyed at something, the next time you disagree with me, instead of doing exactly what I've said I'm annoyed by and telling me I'm wrong in my thought process... Ask me why I think the way I do. I expect perfect strangers to not give a shit about my reasons, and I expect my friends to ask questions, try to understand, and try to be supportive. You don't have to agree with what I say or believe, but respect that I know my body, I know my mind, and I know my particular neuroses well enough to know what will and will not work, and respect my right to be annoyed at something that is not a universal truth, and is, in this case, incredibly subjective and personal.
lasafara: (I think I understand)
FINALLY GOT AROUND TO THIS

Memories )


RELATIONSHIPS

Monoceros )

Cygnus )

Vulpecula )

Cepheus )

Pyxis )

Lepus )

Canis )

Hydra )

Lacerta )


State of the Union )
lasafara: (zz_Losing control of myself)
ATTENTION JUDGES:

NO SERIOUSLY ANYONE WITH A JUDGE NEEDS TO READ THIS )

ALL THAT BEING SAID I don't mind if the Judges want to trip his circuits and make him go crazy. I do want discussion on it first, because it's a super huge deal for him, and anyone around him.

TL;DR? TALK TO ME ABOUT NORA'S COLLAR. Though seriously just read this.
lasafara: (WHAT THE FUCK)
Happy-Significant
Finding a piece of the Dark Liege's soul Gained back in Game 34
Realizing Kazuma sees him as more than just a pet/powersource
Meeting/Fighting Knell
Protecting himself and Kazuma from Rivan
Kazuma's return after two months

Happy-Neutral
Beating a psychic by nearly setting himself and the psychic on fire Gained back in Game 20
Casting a water spell in a bank
Beating Knell all by himself
Kazuma getting the bracelet
Being told Kazuma wants to be his equal

Happy-Trivial
Getting a rise out of the Dark Liege by calling her ugly
Deciding to outwit Kazuma
Saving Barik from King Jelly Gained back in Game 29
Playing/training with Bajee
Falling asleep as Rivan watches over him

Neutral-Significant
Defeating Tyron
Meeting Barik as a child
Flashback to Deigree (Don't give this back to him yet)
Finally making his soul weapon, but losing Kazuma
Being given to Kazuma
Drowning in his power and just barely making it out alive Gained back in Game 16
Deciding he was going to protect Kazuma

Neutral-Neutral
Saving Barik and Bajee
Rivan tossing him into white water rapids, and then saving him
Meeting Kazuma's parents
Having to deal with human girls in bikinis
Having to acknowledge Kazuma in order to get stronger

Neutral-Trivial
Not getting fed because he wasn't working hard enough
Rivan 'invading' his territory
Sleeping in the gym
Realizing Kazuma is reeeeeeeeally kind of scary Gained back in Game 40

Sad-Significant
Barik's death and cremation
Bajee protecting him
Meeting the Rebellion's leader in the demon world
Realizing that no one actually cares about him, just the power he has
Being told he'd have to leave Kazuma and return to the secure facility where he was raised
Being abandoned as a pup
Being told he couldn't see the other kids his age as a child

Sad-Neutral
Kazuma calling him whipped.
Kazuma knocking him off a bridge Gained back in Game 37
Knowing nothing about his family
Realizing that the spells hurt Kazuma too
Trying to talk to a girl his age as a child and being rejected because she was afraid of punishment

Sad-Trivial
Being called a dog by a weak opponent
Not being able to see the sky from his enclosure Gained back in Game 22
Burying his food and still getting it stolen
Almost being dropped by Kazuma
Watching TV alone in his enclosure, again
lasafara: (No way)
Character Name: Nora
Unit: Canis (Blue)

L is for Loooooooong )

Stats

May. 20th, 2009 09:53 am
lasafara: (Thinking is hard)
As a human: )

As a full-fledged demon: )

Also, very important. Nora will have a collar on. It looks like a dog collar. Mostly because it IS a dog collar. IT DOES NOT COME OFF. Nora is actually... too powerful for his powers. In canon this isn't an issue because he has had training to protect him, but even that isn't always enough. So he has this dog collar on at all times. And, unless the mods/judges say otherwise, it will be on for the entirety of his time in Sabra. I MAY ESSAY ABOUT THIS LATER, but.

ETA: SO I TOTALLY JUST NOTICED THIS. I blame the fact that artists draw hair as being affected by mood whether it actually is or not.

Nora has weird... Side-bangs?
Those tufts of hair sticking straight out from the sides of his head. In his partial form/demon form, those are ears! And they move with his moods like ears even when he's a human! It's probably very odd-looking.

App

May. 20th, 2009 01:23 am
lasafara: (Dancing on your grave~!)
App! )
lasafara: (Default)
Lookit me and my dreamwidth. Whee!
lasafara: (Smoking Gun)
Happy-Significant
Escaping from a surgical table with just a scalpel
Deciding to live happily ever after with Oslaka

Happy-Neutral
Meeting Agatha's cousin and getting the REAL story
Deciding to let Agatha live because she is a Heterodyne
Building a serviceable evaporator engine that runs on seagull dung.

Happy-Trivial
Building a death ray out of scrap metal.
The feeling of escaping the clutches of EVIL. Again.
Meeting Agatha Heterodyne. Gained back in Game 23
Falling (sort of) for the Weasel Queen
Eating collared slime-monsters! They taste like cheese.

Neutral-Significant
Training in the sciences.
Nymphenburg Pudding Incident Gained back in Game 8
Using driftwood & detritus to construct crude sonar torpedoes & wire guided harpoons.

Neutral-Neutral
Getting Jagers hung by playing hangman Gained back in Game 4
Trying to kill Agatha because she is a Spark
Norwegian Sweater Fighting
Killing a girl by cat Ophiuchus Payment 1

Neutral-Trivial
Falling from a very great distance. And surviving. Again.
Waving to a giant flying stoat
Slapping a Jagermonster for being too familiar
Writing a term paper proving Sewer Bogarts are a degenerate offshoot of homo fantasticus pellucidorus

Sad-Significant
Building the Great Wall of Norway and discovering the Truth
Brain-threatened by Baron Wulfenbach
Destroying the Othar-making machine
Coming home to the destruction of Paris
Oslaka's death

Sad-Neutral
Seeing rows and rows of his own skulls

Sad-Trivial
Realizing that the Weasel Queen wants him dead
Sleeping with a lycanthrope farmgirl
lasafara: (I came in through the window)
Character Name: Othar Tryggvassen

Unit: Monoceros

Description of powers: Mostly, he can survive things, and he has the ability to warp reality. AKA, he can build death-rays and other mad-scientist type things that really shouldn't be able to exist. This doesn't necessarily mean he's smart, just that he goes into spells at times that allow him to create things that shouldn't be possible. This is dependent, though, on need and surroundings.

Strength/Extent of powers: He does seem to be able to survive most anything, and he can weasel his way out of things as well. The warping of reality doesn't appear to have many limitations, but he has to go into something like a trance for it to happen. Necessity or stimulants (for example, caffeine) will bring on this 'trance,' but Othar tends to avoid most stimulants in canon. In game, it's hard to say.

Innate: Yes, but what he builds is dependent on education.

Memory related: Yes, but the basic ability is innate.

Relation to memory: The survival abilities are innate, as near as we can tell thus far in canon. However, the 'Spark' abilities, while initially innate, are dependent on some level on education. For example, in canon there are Sparks who, given only a culinary education, spend their abilities attempting to create pies which can affect mood. So, without a scientific educational background, Othar will still feel the need to create and warp reality, but will be likely to use what he's learned/remembered to create things that are not particularly useful or dependent on things he's discovered while in Sabra la Tau.

Stats

Mar. 30th, 2009 08:33 pm
lasafara: (FOUL)
Age: Unknown

Height: Tall, probably well over 6 feet, but never specified

Weight: The man is built like a tank. He's probably quite heavy, even assuming he's only human.

Eyes: Blue, when not covered by the funky visor-thing. Obviously the visor is non-existent in SLT, so assume he doesn't have it, despite icons.

Hair: Gray

Appearance: Othar is built. Like a tank. He's huge, both broad and tall. His gray hair says he's probably well in years, but he moves like a much younger man. He keeps his hair long, somewhere between mid-back and shoulder-length, held back from his face in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. Othar also has a gray goatee. He has a tattoo on his abdomen (apparently self-inflicted) that says "Believe Green Eyes." He also has a 'secret scar' he received during the "Nymphenburg Pudding Incident," but it's never specified where this scar actually is.

App

Mar. 29th, 2009 09:27 pm
lasafara: (HAPPY MADBOY)
Character Name: Othar Tryggvassen
Canon: Girl Genius
Reference picture and Wiki link: Reference and wiki entry
Point in the time-line taken: Volume 8, shortly before he reappears in volume 9.
Rest of the app )

Link to original entry

Profile

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